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Many people are scared of the loss of control they experience in the dental chair. This can be due, for example, to past experiences where a dentist proceeded to do things to you and not stopping, in spite of you being in obvious distress, a history of abuse, or a general preference for being in control of situations.
In my view, the sense of not being in control over proceedings almost always begins outside the chair. For example, the thought that I could simply walk out if I didn't like and trust the dentist completely had never occurred to me (then again, it had never occurred to me that there might be some extremely nice dentists around, either). Realizing this helped me a lot in making an appointment. It seems totally obvious in retrospect, but most dental phobics I've talked to feel the same. We tend to assume that "the dentist" is an authority figure who has full control and power over you once you walk through that surgery door. The fact of the matter is that, once you view the situation rationally, it becomes perfectly obvious that you're in charge.
In my (limited =)) experience, a lot of people with dental phobia fail to realize that dental treatment is elective - in other words, you can decide which treatment (if any!) you'd like to have done. A dentist cannot force you to consent to treatment. You are the customer, what you say goes and you're in charge! I'd advise anyone with dental phobia not to even go near "the chair" unless you're perfectly happy that you like and trust your dentist. It's totally up to you if you even want to have a dentist have a look! More about this in "Doomsday - The First Appointment".
Dentists provide a service to you, the customer, which you can accept or decline. Dental phobics have a tendency to assume that dentistry is something that is done TO them, that they have no choice in the matter, and that they're at the mercy of the dentist. However, the truth is that it's entirely up to you to decide what you'd like your dentist to do - much like walking into a shop and deciding what products to buy (or not to buy). Today, many dentists view their patients as partners in their care, and will endeavour to come up with a treatment plan that takes their clients' needs into account. If you suffer from dental fear or phobia, this includes only carrying out treatment that you feel happy with.
However, if your demands are unreasonable and would amount to neglect on behalf of the dentist (for which you could then sue them), they have every right to refuse to treat you. Let's hope that's not the case, though - usually, there are several treatment options available and you should be able to work out a treatment plan you're happy with.
If you've had bad experiences in the past where a dentist wouldn't stop even though you were in obvious distress, or a dentist holding or pinning you down, it's very likely that you'll be terrified of losing control in a dental situation. If this has been your experience, it's important that your next dentist is one whom you can trust completely.
There are many ways of ensuring that you don't feel out of control, for example by starting off with real easy things and gradually building up your confidence and trust in dentists and dentistry. There are a lot of simple techniques available which can help you feel in charge. These include being talked through procedures, the use of stop-signals, a method called tell-show-do, and taking frequent breaks (especially at the start, that might mean every few seconds, until you feel sure that you feel comfortable with a procedure).
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